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I lost my job last year and can’t find another one

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Dear Marisa

I hope you can help me I lost my job last year and can’t find another one. Now I feel rubbish all the time I don’t know what to do with myself or my life. I snap at the wife and kids and the thought of not getting another job makes me depressed I don’t know what to do.  David

Marisa’s Reply

It’s a horrible situation to be out of work especially for a man because a man’s identity is all to do with his job. What a man does defines him so when a man can’t tell someone what he does, because he’s out of work, he feels he’s lost his identity which makes him feel worthless. For many men, what you do for a living is tied up with who you are. So losing your job  makes you feel you’re not needed and have no value. Men also find it harder than women to ask for help because they see it as a weakness. It’s important to remember that this won’t last forever. In the meantime doing something positive will make you feel better,’.

  • Find something to do while you’re looking for a job, so you don’t feel worthless. Try  helping at a school or youth club, kids football anything that allows you to say that you’re doing something useful when others ask, also this gives you something  interesting and new to talk about.
  • Sign up for a basic free course at your local library like computer skills. This gives you a reason to wake up and go out every day and a sense of purpose and makes you feel like you’re doing something useful towards getting a new job. Maybe you can learn computer skills with your kids or teach them what you are learning. Use your time off work to spend more time with them as it will make you feel more useful.
  • Sign up for career counselling. Try Next Step – its free and helps people get the advice they need for future skills.

By doing these things your anger will go away, you will have more hope because you will be doing something and working at something.  You are not rubbish and you are so much more than your job, you matter to your wife and kids just as they matter to you. This time will pass and you will make it pass more quickly by doing the above. Very best, Marisa




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