Conceive again- Rachel, 29, was Terrified That She would Never
Conceive Again- Rachel was terrified she wouldn’t
Devastated by the death of her newborn baby, Rachel Goozee, 29, was terrified that she’d never conceive again.
This is her story.
“When I first got pregnant two and a half years ago, my husband Mark and I were thrilled. I’d conceived three months after I came off the Pill and sailed through the pregnancy. The baby was due on July 19, 1999 we couldn’t wait.
Ten days past my due date, I went into hospital. Everything seemed fine. My waters broke mid-morning and my contractions started. When nothing happened by evening, medical staff gave me Cyntocinon, a strong drug to induce birth. The dose was gradually increased, and Mark was by my side when I gave birth to a daughter in the early hours.
But although Scarlet weighed a healthy 8lbs 2oz, she was pale and barely breathing. The doctors tried to resuscitate her, but she was fighting for life. I started screaming.
An hour later we were told she was dead.
I felt numb. I held her in my arms and we said goodbye to her. I left the hospital devastated without my baby.
Later that week we were told Scarlet’s death had been a mistake. I’d been given too much Cyntocinon during labour. It had caused Scarlet’s heart rate to plummet – she had been asphyxiated. I fell apart. Our GP had to calm me down with Valium. It was bad enough to lose my baby; to know it was because of a mistake was unbearable. The hospital apologised and gave us £8700 compensation. But I didn’t want money I wanted Scarlet.
I remember sitting howling in the bath, milk running down my breasts. My body was reacting as if my baby was alive, which made everything harder to come to terms with.
Mark was devastated, too, and took six weeks off work from his job as an art director with an advertising and design firm to be with me. I’d already given up my job in sales to be a full-time mum for two months I couldn’t leave the house. I was seeing a counsellor and I also found the Stillbirth and Neonatal Death Society (SANDS) helpful.
At one stage I felt so bad that my GP suggested that I take the antidepressant Prozac. She said I shouldn’t get pregnant whilst taking it, and since we did want another baby, I decided against it. I did try other ways to make myself feel better; trips to health spas, having friends over. Nothing seemed to help – I couldn’t bear to see pregnant women or mothers with babies.
By October although I was still depressed, we decided to try and conceive again for a baby. Months went by and I couldn’t conceive. It made me feel worse. There was nothing physically wrong . Mark had his sperm count tested and I was examined to check I was ovulating. Subconsciously I knew I was probably too stressed to conceive, but nothing I did could change my state of mind. There were days when we spoke about taking overdoses.
That summer the anniversary of Scarlet’s death was awful. On top of my depression, I started to have panic attacks. I told mark that I was going to ask the doctor for Prozac. Before my appointment with my GP came up, my friend Joy sent me an article she’d read in the October issue of SHE – Can you think yourself pregnant? It explains that sometimes women can’t get pregnant because they’re subconsciously holding onto “mind blocks”.
I read the article and for the first time in months, felt a slight glimmer of hope. I postponed my doctor’s appointment and called Marisa Peer, the hypnotherapist mentioned in the article – I had nothing to lose. She told me to come to see her.
When I walked into Marisa’s house, I just wanted something to alleviate the anxiety. She sat me down and gave me a cup of tea and I told her what I had been through. She was very understanding. She took me through a guided meditation – I had to imagine myself walking down a staircase, feeling more relaxed with every step. By the end I felt as if I was floating above my body.
While I was in a relaxed state Marisa started the hypnosis. She talked about Scarlet, my panic attacks and feeling positive. She said if Scarlet could see or hear me, she’d want me to have a little brother or sister for her. I found this comforting. Marisa also told me to imagine my womb was waiting and my eggs were healthy, ready to be fertilized by my husband’s sperm. She then asked me to imagine my new baby and what it would be like to hold it in my arms.
Until this point I never focused on what my baby would be like, because I kept thinking of Scarlet. Now, for the first time, I could imagine having a new baby. After the hypnosis I felt deeply relaxed – as if I’d had a good nights sleep. Marisa had made a tape of the hypnosis and asked me to listen to it every day. She also told me to think about my eggs being fertilised by my husbands sperm while we made love.
I left feeling much more positive, as if a huge weight had been lifted. On the way home I found a pregnant woman and found that I could look at her. I felt overwhelmingly that I, too, would conceive again and be pregnant soon.
I told Mark, “We’re going to have a baby. I just know it.” He was relieved that I seemed so positive. In fact, in the next few days my family and friends commented that I seemed much happier. They even said my voice had changed – that I no longer sounded so down. I listened to the tape twice a day and did all the visualisations. Two weeks later, I saw Marisa again. This time she made me a tape to help me sleep.
A few weeks later on November 16th, it was Mark’s 29th birthday and my period was late. I knew I was pregnant, but I was too nervous to take a pregnancy test as I didn’t want to spoil his birthday with a false alarm. By amazing coincidence it was the same date that I had found out I was expecting Scarlet.
A week later, I did a test. It was positive. We were ecstatic. Judging by the dates, I conceived a week after my first hypnosis.
Suddenly, life seemed worth living again. I am now five and a half months pregnant and unbelievably happy.
I have been to see Marisa three times so far and she has made me a “Perfect Pregnancy” tape. It tells me to imagine my baby is healthy and helps me think positively about his development.
I am convinced that hypnosis helped switch something in my subconscious mind that made me think positively about having another baby. That, in turn helped me conceive. I am still nervous about the birth but through hypnosis I am coping with it.
I have given copies of the SHE article to women I feel may get some comfort from it. I hope it helps them as much as it helped me.”
When I met Marisa I was instantly drawn to her calm and composed demeanour, I’d never met anyone like her before. Her presence was magnetic and I found myself just soaking up her every word. I’d briefly explained my situation to her over the phone, so she was prepared for my initial out pouring of where I’d been and where I wanted to be.
I started the hypnotherapy session, it wasn’t what I expected, and throughout that first hour I was fully aware of what was going on around me. Marisa’s soothing voice and carefully chosen words instantly took root within my body and mind. I genuinely felt moved. It didn’t really feel like an hour. I could have stayed for a lot longer. But that wasn’t necessary. I entered Marisa’s home thinking I may never become pregnant again. I walked out after one session, phoned my husband and said I’m going to have another baby. I even managed to speak with a mum and her newborn on my way home. Three weeks after that first session I was pregnant again. I felt like a different person. My whole outlook on life had been changed by listening to a woman I hardly knew, instilling all the positive words, thoughts and energy I needed to help me recover from the worst chapter in my life.
My husband and I now have two beautiful children: Freya aged ten and Dylan aged eight, and we couldn’t have got there without Marisa’s help.
Marisa has such a unique ability to help people with conception/ fertility problems to achieve the baby they long for. I have recommended her to a number of friends and acquaintances who could not conceive, and the results are nothing short of miraculous. For those people thinking this might just be a load of Hocus Pocus, they’re wrong. Marisa really can help you get pregnant.
Thank you Marisa for sharing your gift,
Love from Rachel and Mark Goozee.